The Fountain

With all the great hub bub for Mickey Rourke and Darren Aronofsky for his new film The Wrestler, I just want to quickly say one thing. Can all you higher than thou critics and reviewers please stop bashing The Fountain while  you praise this new Aronofsky flick? “The Fountain” was great, albeit an acquired taste. To most simple minds, it was merely an onslaught of colors and visions, a mere cinematography clusterfuck. If these simpletons would only truly immerse themselves in the plot of the story, they would realize its achievements. Sure, it is not Requiem, or even Pi. So fucking what? PTA’s three best films are, in order, There Will Be Blood, Magnolia, and Boogie Nights, but that doesn’t keep me from realizing Punch-Drunk Love is also a great movie and would be some of the best work of a different auteur’s entire career.

 

Do you need a mattress?

 

 

Hopefully this new version Aronofsky is spitting out in who knows how many years will bring new life to these naysayers.

Do you believe in Santa Claus?

Nor do I. Nor do I, but my children do. They are still small. But do you know who they like even better than Santa Claus? His helper, Pedro el Negro. Black Peter. There’s an old Mexican tale that tells of how Santa Claus got so very busy looking out for the good children that he had to hire some help to look out for the bad children. So he hired Pedro. And Santa Claus gave him a list with all the names of all the bad children. And Pedro would come every night to check them out. And the people, the little kids that were misbehaving, that were not saying their prayers, Pedro would leave a little toy donkey on their window. A little burro. And he would come back, and if the children were still misbehaving, Pedro would take them away, and nobody would ever see them again. Now, if I am being Santa Claus, and you are Pedro, how do you think jolly Santa Claus would feel if one day Pedro came into his office and said, ‘I lost the list.’ How fucking furious do you think he will get?

On this day, I pronounce my transition to a new name. Please accept, and continue reading. Move along now.

he musta thought it was white boy day

“Back from hiatus in Napoli……by popular demand (of one)……fresh with a current job length of almost 6 months…….enough of that gibberish.

Something I promised long ago, that is being kept to my one dear reader. My critique of one of the most underrated movies of all time……True Romance. Now, there are so many reasons why this is true, so let’s jump right in.

1. The cast: So many actors at the top of their game, badass personas across the board. Pitt as a the quintessential stoner, hilariously throughout. His best role/acting job to date. Not only is Slater bearable, he shines. Walken in a true Walken role, not just a caricature of one he’s been playing for years.

2. Michael Rapaport is actually good AND funny in it. Enough said.

3. Michael Rapaport is actually good AND funny. I don’t think you realize how huge this is. Have you seen War at Home?

4. I wish someone would shoot Home in a Bodybag. I want to see that flick by a coked out director.

5. “I like ya Clarence. Always have, always will.”

6. Script by Tarantino.

Lets digest that last one for a bit, for it is the basis of my argument. This movie was set up to be Tarantino’s masterpiece. Think about it. The cast is perfect for a Tarantino flick. Walken, Gandolfini, Nice Guy Eddie, Jack Scagnetti, Dennis Hopper, Ice Man, Christian Slater, Gary Oldman, Jules Winfield, the list literally is disgusting. Now lets pretend for a moment that Tarantino didn’t have to sell this script to finance Reservoir Dogs. This script, this exact cast, with QT at the helm? Maaaaasster Piece!!! Not even close. Clarence dies in the original script; a much better ending. Alabama gets away alone with the cash. Tarantino bringing out the best in all these already incredible actors. Best pic, 1993. Throw a couple nods in there for Slater, Pitt, Hopper, and Arquette. Remembered as QT’s Pulp Fiction, instead of just a great cult classic that everyone likes to quote. Well at least the cool people do. Think of how great this movie is already, and Tony fucking Scott directed it. Case closed.

The Orchid Thief

So. I’ve been pretty busy lately. Hard to have time for things when I need all my sit around and do nothing time. I’ve been rummaging my collossal head for something to write about, or something to make myself laugh, which is what I always find the funniest, but alas. Nothing. Two months, and nothing to say. Those who know how loud and annoying I am, will find that impossible. Problem is, every time I think of something to write about, I’m sober. Hence, it doesn’t get put on the page. Drunk Anton doesn’t care that what he’s writing is of no consequence to those reading; he merely types away as fast as possible, testing his inebriation accuracy as well as his train of thought. Anyhoo, I’ve gone Donald and Charlie Kaufman. Nothing to say, so I’ll write about it.

Ok, as usual, I’ve got some stuff rolling now. Just bought a fucking kiss ass new tv. 61” DLP 1080p Samsung HD. Am I bragging? Am I being boisterous? Fuck yes. Weep at your pity you watch every night. Know that I own greatness. This not only is 1080 quality, it is 1080p. That’s better than 1080i. A difference my television whored friends. One you should heed if you decide to embark on my recent shopping journey.

Let’s see…run through the cliche topics. Oceans 13? Sucked. Boring with a capital Clooney. Clooney is the shit, but this movie ain’t. Give me Michael Clayton. Knocked Up? Absolutely incredible. Seth Rogan is the man. Go rent Undeclared and Freaks and Geeks dvds. Ok, enough movie critic. I’ll have my true critique on one of the most underrated films of all time soon enough.