Baby Gator

They breed them young.

I’m off to Atlanta for some debauchery this weekend, so I’ll leave you with this monstrosity.

Found this bad lad while buying CDs for the first time in years at Best Buy. Dear God. Someone, please, make it stop.

Seeing how I would never put my hard earned sub teaching dollars for purchasing something of this nature, I can only imagine what they subscribe to the new parent with Florida fandom running through their veins. Perhaps a Baby Chomp? Or a “Go Gators!” chant? Baby Jorts? Or maybe a Baby AK-47 comes included with the DVD, and your toddler can lay waste to parking lot air space to intimidate other toddlers in pre-school who dare grow up to be Seminole fans?

The DVD details:

You love your kids, you love your family, and you love your University of Florida Gators®! Now you can combine them all with this exciting Team Baby Entertainment DVD. This DVD features officially licensed NCAA footage of Gator sports, highlighting the marching band and campus attractions, along with the sights, sounds, traditions, and colors of the Florida Gators®. BABY Gator® combines all the great things you love about the University of Florida, with all the things you want your lil’toddler to learn – numbers, letters, colors and more.  Featuring the music from the Fightin’ Gator Marching Band, “Pride of The Sunshine”, as well as original footage of the “Gator Kids”, BABY Gator® is the ideal way to raise tomorrow’s fans today! Makes a great gift!

Watch together… cheer together… learn together. Raising Tomorrow’s Florida Fan Today!

What they forgot to mention was that your toddlers becoming Gator Fans this early will max out their intelligence level with this DVD.

Public schools really do have too much money. Of course, if Miami did one of these, you’d have Baby “It’s All About this U,” Baby Piss in a Cup and Throw it, and Baby “Fuck You Seminoles” chants.