The Miami Herald is reporting that the Canes will hire UNC Defensive Assistant John Lovett as their next Defensive Coordinator. Lovett came to UNC with Butch Davis, and was also the Special Teams Coordinator.
This is definitely a suprise hire by Randy, one not many saw coming. Perhaps he liked what he had with Bill Young. The well-traveled assistant, someone not looking to go anywhere, with loads of experience to teach young players. At the same time, Lovett is 58, was not the DC under Butch Davis, and has not been a coordinator since 2006 with Bowling Green. He does have 18 years experience running a defense, however, including stints in the SEC with Auburn and Mississippi. This guy isn’t green.
I’m actually more excited about what he can bring to the Special Teams play. If Miami can start consistently putting kickoffs past the 15 yard line (please?), block some kicks, and increase their return average by even 10 net yards, it will do wonders for the still growing offense. A defense with studs all over can run itself. Unless you’re Patrick Nix.
Lou Brown: Hocutt! Gimme all your requirements goddamit! I need to know what I’m looking for.
Kirby: Well, Lou, we want someone who runs the Cover 2 Base defense, blitzes rarely, utilizing the front four to put all the pressure, and can pin their ears back once we get a two touchdown lead.
LB: Well, shit. I know a great guy. Knew him back in my days in Cleveland. You might of heard of him, Bob Stoops? He wasn’t much of a career climber. He’s probably still washing cars in the off-season up there in Youngstown, earn a couple extra bucks.
KH: Uh, Lou, Bob Stoops is the head coach of Oklahoma. Has been for over 10 years.
LB: Well, shit. I knew I shouldn’t have moved to London once Taylor took my job. I was doing that sack of shit catcher a favor!
KH: And Lou, we sort of have a budget concern with our Defensive Coordinator hire. We broke the bank on Mark Whipple, and need to keep this one on the lower end of the scale.
LB: No problem Hocutt. I have a great idea. Check out this sketch I just made to scrap together some funds.
KH: Uh, Lou, I don’t think Randy will be OK with this idea. Maybe we can just re-direct some funds from the tennis and diving teams. They run a surplus every few years. President Shalala has been very adamant about not overspending on the coordinators.
LB: Forget about the curve ball Hocutt, give Shalala the heater!
KH: Well, I don’t know Lou. She can be pretty intimidating.
LB: Come on Hocutt, get in front of the damn woman! Don’t give me this “olé” bullshit! Go in there, walk right past her lady secretary, and tell her you are bringing in whoever you damn please! And you’re gonna wine and dine ‘em! Show ‘em the town! Automatic Slims! Mango’s! Monty’s Raw Bar in the Grove!
KH: Lou, I can’t do that. President Shalala insisted no overspending. I can’t take someone out to South Beach, let alone Monty’s. Maybe we can do Chicken Kitchen, but only if I pay.
LB: Chicken Kitchen?! I’ve had it with this nickel and dime shit! I want that bitch on the phone!
KH: Lou, this isn’t a good idea-
LB: Hocutt. Look here. Try this. Throw this in front of your boosters. It worked for me before.
KH: Lou, that is sick. You are a dirty old man. President Shalala has been nothing but supportive to the football team.
LB: You don’t wise up and listen to me Hocutt, and guess who’ll be bagging groceries in a couple of weeks! You’re from Ohio, right? I hear the other Miami is hiring. You ever think of going back there for a few? I have connections up there. You and Dorn can tag team some third rate hookers out on Lake Erie for all I care!
KH: I’ll get back to you on this Lou. Thanks for your advice.
LB: (sighs) Oh, no problem Kirby. (pause) But hey, I figure we ought to hang out together for a while today and see if we can give all those stuck up Coral Gables people a nice big shitburger to eat! Whaddaya say Kirb?”
KH: Uh…I have to go now Lou…I’ll have our secretary get you your check.
LB: Well, alright Hocutt! Now you’re talking. I love this Coral Gables shit! I just might move here!