Brian Kelly to Notre Dame. Please God no.

Brian Kelly is awesome. This entire post could end right there. Being a Michigan fan to go along with my Canes fevor, this is the second worst possibility for the Wolverines (first is Urban Meyer, but that’s for another post). Most people would come to this conclusion. I, however, have insider information. Albeit, not fantastic insider info, but some nonetheless. 

You see, I fancied myself a college football player coming out of high school. Despite the fact I was a 5′10” 175 pound middle linebacker, I figured I could just make the switch to SS no problem. I mean, come on, right? They’re the same position, almost. Watch the ball, make the read, destroy. Just do it from a few yards further back. I was the quintessential Zach Thomas*. Smart white boy, just making plays. All Conference, All Area, All County. I can make the transition! So I attended the U with the sole intention of trying out for the football team. I didn’t tell anyone this of course. I wanted it to be a nice suprise. “Oh. Yeah. The team that just won the national title? Yeah. I’m on it. Only play Special Teams. I’m their Scott Kowalkowski. Thanks.”

Nothing wrong with being awesome at only one thing!

 

After working out so intensely over Xmas break that my roomates thought I was on ‘roids (backne was a problem back then) I was on the field for tryouts. Then fucking Jeff Merk’s bitch ass informs me, who is on the field lacing up my cleates, that Coach Coker needs us to fill out some paperwork. Thirty minutes later, I’m sick of sitting in the SID’s office, so I just march on over to Coker’s office myself. “Hey coach, I’m here to tryout.” “Hey son, you need to talk to Jeff over here.” And then he put his headphones over his shoulder, leaned in, and started clapping. Kidding about the clapping part. But he did take off his headphones. They gave us the run around, told us sorry, actually no tryouts this spring, come back in the fall. Thanks. Bitches!

 

You think these Okies will give me some good coin for my ring?

 

ANYWAYS. Left Miami, too expensive to stay another year, enrolled at Grand Valley. Brian Kelly is the coach there. Was on the team for a semester (left for reasons unnecessary to detail in this post). You can tell immediately this guy knows what he’s doing. Has the personality, the arrogance, to get it done. People probably know the rest by now: Wins two D2 titles, one runner up, takes Central Michigan to MAC title in three years, and now Cincinnati in Orange Bowl. I was hoping he went to Tennessee. Have fun in that conference. But now he is in heavy talks for the Notre Dame job. And as a secondary Michigan fan, this is not good. He knows how to coach up lesser players. He’s proven it. He’s proven he can win at all levels. He has tons of connections in the Michigan/Indiana/Illinois area (Grand Valley is in western Michigan). Other than the potential Meyer love fest, again, Kelly is the best coach on the board. Let’s hope he goes to Washington, and finally creates a fucking program in the Pac 10 that can win the conference when they random selection beat USC once every three years. 

Of course, I fully expect Rich Rod to get his shit together, and destroy the Big 10 with the attitude of Bill to the Bride. Sadistic and shit. All of this will not matter once Rich Rod knows it’s his baby. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want a free, overrated, out of conference win every year for the next 30 years.

 

Do you find me sadistic? You will.

 

 

 

 

*Saw Zach Thomas at Monty’s Raw Bar in the last Saban year mid-season. After early nerves, finally walked up to him and told him how in high school he was my God. How I wore #35, and that everyone questioned my jersey choice, and how I picked it because it is what he wore in college at Texas Tech. Talk about perfect life situation explanation!