With all the articulate, intelligent, well-read Canes fans, you would think they understand what is happening to their football team. That this year’s team, until this past week could have back doored it’s way to an ACC championship, Orange Bowl win, and unfettered hope for an incredible 2009 campaign. Unfortunately, we all know Canes fans don’t know how to read.
They do not see what is laid out before them, like a Vietnamese transvestite standing in the red-light district. On the surface, you just found yourself a perfect deal, total inebriation be damned. Ten American dollars to have sex? With this hot chick! Twice?! Fuck, YEAH! Then you get back to the room and realize she has a penis bigger than yours, and is suggesting you get kinky and role play as the woman for night. Result? Not good. And that is what the Hurricane offense is shaping up to be.
Hehe, nooo, I don't have a penis! What are you talking about?
Now don’t get me wrong, Randy has some glaring deficiencies of his own right now. But he is here for the long haul, and I am more than willing to let him learn on the job. He won’t go begging for an NFL gig the second he wins an national title, as per the Hurricane tradition. He can be, if he lives up to Miami Hurricane Competent Coach Protocol (R), who wins his obligatory national title, but instead of bolting, does what Schnellenberger should have. A modern day 20 year mainstay with 3-4 national titles under his belt, and another 3 losing appearances to boot. But for now, we have a problem, and we need a fix.
Any one familiar with Patrick Nix’s offense’s at Georgia Tech knows their attrocity. Canes fans this year complain to no end about the anemic offense, but offer no solution, save for the usual, “They need to fucking fire his ass, they suck….oh! I’m on the huge HD screen! Soldier Boy it! Hurry!” Canes fans, take note. You will be warned.
This is how it will play out. Lets assume the Canes win next week against NC State, finishing the regular season at 8-4, 5-3 in conference. That is definite progress from last year’s debacle. Regardless of how they have looked at times, this year will be considered a success. They will play in a bowl game, Gator or Champs Sports most likely, and should probably win. No way the OC is getting fired after this season. Everything is on the up and up. Continuity must be maintained, Randy says.
Next season, Canes will be one year older, one year stronger, and should be expected to win the ACC. Let’s say, for argument sake, they win the conference crown, but the offense still looks pretty bad. A year reminiscent of 2003, when the defense carried the team the whole year, and a couple games were lost due to a pathetic O. Can you fire Nix here? Of course not. You just won the conference title! You made progress from last year! It will all come together in 2010, our national title year!
Hey Pat? Can we go this way tonight?
Only it doesn’t. They lose two or three games, the same problems persist. The offense turns the ball over, shuffles quarterbacks, runs a QB draw out of the shotgun on a 4th and 1 with an empty backfield in a defacto division title game. Will he be fired at this point? Of course he will. But by this time, we have wasted an incredible defense, and two more years of a fantastic recruiting class, let alone future classes Randy pulls in. So, dear Anton, what do you suggest?
We need to promote this mofo Nix. We need to get him a new job. Placate his ego, get someone on the inside telling how great he is, that he is being held back under Randy. But more importantly, we need dissention on the defensive side of the ball. We need fights in the locker room with the defense cursing out Marve and Nix and anyone that they suck and should be winning when the D only gives up 17 points. So Randy, knowing he can’t fire him with the progress being made, needs to run a coup with DC Bill Young. Get him to start feeding his players propaganda about Nix and the offense. How their talent is being wasted on the other side of the ball. How they need to make their teammates more accountable. You create internal turmoil.
On the other side, you get Boosters telling Nix he should be a head coach somewhere, he has the talent, he’s young, go grab a spot and make it yours, Christobal style. Or maybe an Assistant HC/OC job somewhere in the SEC, where we all know Nix wants to end up anyways. Get that seed planted in his unorignal, obvious formations brain. Now, he is hearing how great he is, hearing his DC telling him he sucks, it’s all his fault the Canes aren’t undefeated. He blows up. “I don’t have to put up with this shit! I was the first QB to beat Spurrier at the Swamp! I am Auburn’s career passing efficiency leader! I’m fuckin outta here!” Bam. Done and done. Randy gets a phone call from Auburn’s athletic director, gives a ringing endorsement of his Dead OC Walking, and rids himself of a poison waiting to fester, and us Canes fans don’t have to live until 2011 for a non-Nix coached offense. Someone get me Randy’s number.
